Video on why I only date white men and always will. In this video I talk about inter racial relationships/interracial dating/swirl couples. I also discuss why I have never dated black men and the effects of misogynoir on black women, especially on dark skinned woman. Being a dark skin woman and seeing black men only date light skin has affected the way I approach black men.
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Video on the hair I'm wearing: https://youtu.be/iXN-2XnFnPI
Stay Loyal To Your Cheating Man Video: https://youtu.be/D-tc6uL1e7Y
How To be confident without make up: https://youtu.be/lTK4GJZtAWA
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I'm not black but as a WOC what you say resonates, especially about the approval of white people being the highest level of achievement. You are very articulate and I appreciate your critical thinking and level headed approach on this topic. There is beauty in all races and on a basic level nothing wrong with interracial relationships but I do agree that most of the time, ideas of racial superiority/inferiority are playing a big part in those choices to date outside ones racial group.
EDIT: PEOPLE!!! WATCH THE BLOODY VIDEO BEFORE ASSUMING!
Hi love! I thought your video was lovely! I hate the fact that people haven’t taken the time to look at your video. They will truly get something out of it.
There’s a video that you will like that is quite similar to yours. It’s by a YouTuber named Chrissie. Please check it out! It’s very educational. Let me know what you think.
Girl! I loved this video. Although I'm attracted to all men and will date all. I'm 90% always approached by white or mixed raced men. I've never been on a date with a black man, even though I'd want to. Just don't really get approached as much, maybe it's whereabouts in London I grew up. Shrugs shoulders.
I don't have any need of validation from a white or Black person. If you seek that it will disappoint no matter what race. Seek you own validation and the good Black man will come.. or whoever you seek
As a white guy growing up in London, from my experience, it's mainly black men with the problem. I found that most dark skinned black women wanted black men but it was the black men who weren't interested. Most were almost exclusively into white and then light skinned girls (in that order). There's allot of reasons for this and it's very complex. The issue I have with them is that they tend to blame the dark skinned black female for their own sexual preferences. So for example, they'll mock their hair but then when that girl then decides to wear weave/extensions, they'll then claim that black women aren't true to their routes and that's why they don't date them. Like I said, it;s mostly black men with the problem.
my experience 100%, exactly the same! anti-blackness is global and weaponized against us, as black women, the most. It takes a lot of self work to overcome the trauma inflicted on us by black men, but I believe it's possible. thank you so much for this video. <3
Listen, white supremacy fucked both black men and women up from the get go.. Ever since we were kids ( if u born in the 90's) All Princes and Princess' in Disney movies and other fairytales in general were light Skinned.. Period!.. the fact that you yourself were attracted to a lighter guy at such a young age shows it's a 2 way street. So running and laying in the arms of the very people that have brainwashed us in the first place is never the answer. I love your story because we all go through it.
As a black man I was attracted to lighter girls also until I grew mentally enough to break free from that thought process. I just want black women to understand why black men act the way they do towards them..it's not their fault. Black ppl are not in control of the media period!. Being constantly Bombarded with "Paleness is greatness" 24 hours a day Seeps through your subconscious whether u know it or not. (Research Edward Bernays on media mind control)
I'm happy your open to dating Black men 😊 cuz a lot of us waking up 2. Now we should spread the word and let the world know Black love is not only beautiful but essential..✊🏾..stay woke Queen#❤️
This was very well-articulated and very insightful! You have a very clear understanding of the fault and the genesis of this type of thinking and poisonous mentality. I applaud you for your comprehension.
For the haters pro blackness is not defined by who you lay with. In fact there are plenty of black people that date black, and are nothing but toxic to the black community (drug dealers, gang bangers, rapists, molesters, shall I go on?). You can date interracially, and still be a pillar in your own community. In fact MLK fucked around but he's still celebrated every day for his achievements on social equality.
Also, funny how the experiences of black women when it comes to mysogenoir and colorism are always somehow put down to Dark skin syndrome...so somehow it's the fault of dark skinned women that they get insulted for the colour of their skin?? Experiences can and will shape how people navigate through life so if a black woman is saying that their bad experiences with black men burned them, being ignorant I not the way to join the discourse. Colorism and racism walk hand in hand so don't down on a black woman for speaking on the subject.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your points of view. I'm not against interracial love at all I believe whereever you find meaningful love you should let it flourish. But for myself I have often found myself less attracted to people who don't look like me or like my bio family. With that said, I know there is force that is more likely to determine my fate then me though, so anything is possible 😁. Apologies in advance if this sounds like a sweeping generalization, but I do feel like there are a lot of issues facing men of color which in turn effects our relationships, possibilities and outcomes (whether they're known or unknown). But I'm still optimistic and hopeful of finding meaningful love with a man of color. At the end of the day shout outs to love.
Girl that click bait title tho. I love how woke you are. I can totally relate to feeling ugly in school, like I've always had a large "ethic" nose and got a few mean comments which absolutely shattered my self esteem when younger. It's so funny bec it's now some of those same people that compliment/bum lick me post glo-up 💅
this video has confused me. lol
im a medium brown skinned girl from carribean descent and i never had no problems with dating black men.
its sad that you see black men in that light...maybe for a darker skinned black woman its different?
but i know most of my friends who are darkskinned managed to find a black man so i dont know.
also maybe all that makeup u have on is offputting. a lot of black men i know find that a turn off.
As a lighter skin black woman I know for a fact that some black men look at me and disregard my darker skinned sisters. It's not right at all. White women and lighter skin tend to get praised and paid attention to before darker skinned black women. Unless she has eurocentric features. If she looks more African then she is made fun or treated like a fetish.
Oghosa, thank GOD it was clickbait in THIS case! Thank you for tackling this very important subject. What society deems as beautiful is literally DICTATED by a white dominated society. It has literally been beaten into us, physically and mentally, by white people and our black men have taken it very hard and therefore they run away from blackness and seek validation from whiteness. It literally takes a STRONG & self-loving black person to go against this societal mental slavery and white supremacy. I really loved this video. You touched upon important issues. Enjoy our RICH blackness, identity and culture! It is so very, very BEAUTIFUL. ❤️
the thing is i had a conversation with a black girl from london. she said she was attracted to black guys. but they dont go for her because she is dark skin. and she said they mostly date white girls where she live. and now she was going to start dating white guys more because they the ones that approach her more. she said she opened her dating pool more.
I didn’t get ask out until my senior year. He was 23. I went through that stage where I thought I was unattractive because I grew up in a predominantly black American school. It wasn’t until I moved to Europe that I met someone whom appreciated my outward beauty.
I felt the same way in my military career. I always felt I needed to be validated by my white male peers and seniors. And when I changed who I was and still wasn’t excepted, I walked around with a chip on my shoulder. So although I didn’t experience this in my personal relationships I certainly have in my old career. This will inspire me to make my own video about this topic but for my old career. Thank you for sharing.
Hello. I'm sorry about hearing of your experiences oghosa. Your very attractive, and though you may not find black men attractive, It's understood. You're still beautiful. Good luck whatever road you may take.
Alot of these black guys speak and act like slave owners, when i hear them speak i hear Albert from "The Color Purple". I am not into white or other ethnic men but because there are so many black men publicly devaluing us, dating out seems easier than dating men of our own race.
Even if we find a nice black guy that is not worshiping white features, we have to hold on to him while women of others races/ethnicity who are fat, old, skinny or normal don't have to second guess their value to the men of their race
rather if they are short/tall hispanics, fat/skinny asians or snobbish/humble white women, they won't be discriminated and devalued by their own race
I sincerely appreciate your candid approach to this topic. <3
These issues will persist so long as we neglect this topic. Misogynoir is rampant and the dating practices of Black women should respond to such conditions.P.S. You are beautiful!
I’m glad I decided to stick with this until the very end despite the click bait title. I respect every woman’s right to choose who they want to be with and date, but as a White guy I find the sentiment expressed in the title extremely problematic and could never consider anyone that would only date White men or would consciously choose to not date someone from their own race.
Also, considering Black women have been hyper-sexualised it’s worth nothing that just because a White man is prepared to date you doesn’t make this any less problematic. We very often fetishise Black women I have witnessed many examples of White men that are prepared to date interacially whilst still holding onto internalised anti-Black and outright racist sentiments.
Well, gladly not all white men think like you. Any woman, every woman has a right to include or exclude a man/woman from her dating pool. You don't have to accept it or respect it. Many men don't date overweight women, or bald women or disabled women. She has a right to be just as picky as you men are. She can change her dating preferences whenever she wants. You really have the self righteous nerve to judge her for having standards.
Wait, you are probably a black man, yup, you are.
Get a life!
You’re great at picking titles! If people actual watched the video you will actually see how profound this video is! I’m happy at the evolution of your understanding process and there are many black men that will love you even more so because of your beautiful melanin. I wouldn’t demonize all black men but I do agree many have been socialized to deem lighter skin or white skin to be more beautiful
Thank you for your honesty queen ❤ I love how self aware you are. Please educate black women and men about this. I'm a light skinned woman who refuses to date black men. I only date those of my skin tone or other races. Only because I want no part in what black men do to black women look like you. They're are a disgrace. Sickens me that other light skin woman would stand with them against our black sisters with this. Theyre hurting black women and young black girls as well. Feeding into anothers self hatred just to feel praised or desired. There's a lot of healing that needs to happen. Thank you again for sharing ❤ sending love your way ❤
I really enjoyed this video. I found myself nodding along and going “uh huh, yep”. I’m glad I’ve learned the same lessons you did and hopefully so many more black women can get to this point as well 🙌🏾
+Naj_ Pro blackness is not defined by who you lay with. In fact there are plenty of black people that date black, and are nothing but toxic to the black community (drug dealers, gang bangers, rapists, molesters, shall I go on?) So get your definitions right. You can date interracially, and still be a pillar in your own community. In fact MLK fucked around but he's still celebrated every day for his achievements on social equality.
Also, funny how the experiences of black women when it comes to mysogenoir and colorism are always somehow put down to Dark skin syndrome...so somehow it's the fault of dark skinned women that they get insulted for the colour of their skin?? Experiences can and will shape how people navigate through life so if a black woman is saying that their bad experiences with black men burned them, being ignorant I not the way to join the discourse.
I’m a brown skinned girl (is it weird that I don’t know whether I’m light or dark???) I guess I’m medium lmbo. I’ve never had trouble with black guys, predominantly dated/likes black men (I appreciate the cocoa). I’ve dated about 4 black men and 2 white and actually ended up marrying a white man. This confused even me! For me, it wasn’t his skin, but his love for me that I fell in love for. I definitely had no prior preference to date white guys (I’d date the rainbow because I find fineness in all races) so it surprises me that things turned out the way they did. Just going to show that who God has for you is for you. But dating/marrying him gave other black women/men the opportunity to actually call ME a racist against my own culture. That’s when I felt the lowest. I’ve ALWAYS loved my black people and to be called the white mans whore and the extinction of the black race made me feel subconscious about myself, my blackness and my relationship. I wrongly thought that hey, this is 2018 and love is love is love. But I was wrong. We all still have growing to do and all I can do is live in my truth.
yeah, i am a nigeran in the Uk and that's the case here too. Nigerian men love us simple, especially when they want to marry. I have never had an issue and I cant relate to the video. Jamaicans are very much into interacial mingling so maybe thats who she was after.
KennyU It is the case in London, especially it comes to marriages. There are always exceptions. Her description of growing up in her teens indicates that she grew up outside London. That always had a different impact on dating views.
When I was younger black guys used to intimidate me so much, I was literally scared of them because they would treat me like shit and make it very clear they weren't into me. Even though I was attracted to them.
Now for some reason I feel like times have changed, atleast in my area... the guys that hit on me the most or try to move to me are black guys. White guys on the opposite barely approach me. I personally believe there are attractive men in every race and I've been talking to guys from different races, atm though I'm really feeling black men... it's just my personal preference. But then again whoever God chooses to enter my life, they're welcome no matter what race they are.
omggg I relate to that thing when I was younger that was so so painful. I kind of carried it into adulthood and literally didn't really know how to be friends with black men until about 8 months ago. I had to break that wall down because I was scared of being viewed as ugly or being mocked. so irrational but valid as well
I think it’s really annoying how black men can acknowledge racism in general but not how it’s internalised. White hegemony is sustained by shaping people’s perceptions. How can we challenge racism without a focus on renewing our consciousness to be...healthy. It’s not black peoples job to get rid of racism, because it’s our job to make sure we are healing properly
You're a beautiful black woman , stop looking at how the world sees u. U have to learn how to love your beautiful chocolate skin before any man can appreciate u. Remember this there is not a damn thing wrong with your chocolate skin.
this message is cute but how realistic is it to say 'you have to love you before anyone else can love you' when the whole world is telling you to do the opposite your whole life including In your most crucial formative years when you're developing your sense of self. we cant just be expected to block it out ad somehow muster the strength to build the same amount of self worth as say a white woman for example when she's been boosted from the moment she's born
I'm from London but recently moved to Toronto, CA and I can tell you its 10 times worse here. Dark skinned girls are literally invisible unless you look like gabrielle union, and even then you'll still get passed over for a light skin girl. I worked with a girl in Toronto who told me that she wants to move to London because the black guys appreciate black girls much more there and now that I've seen it with my own eyes she is completely right. I don't think UK men are that bad to be honest, I've always had positive experiences with them (I'm dark skinned btw). But the most important thing is that you love yourself and never settle just because someone else is unable to see your worth!
Wow I'm sorry to hear that colourism is so bad there. I can't just say 'oh i won't complain because it could be worse' because that minimises my pain. Bleaching is still very prevalent in the black communities in the UK and the percentage of west africans who bleach (even in the UK) is incredibly high. So there's still a problem regardless of geography. But I hope watching this shows you that you are not alone. You are beautiful and as I said in the video-we do not have to change-we are not the problem-society is and THEY must change around us.
As a light skinned girl with lots for dark skinned friends I've noticed the hate and prejudice that they experienced was always from black men and I felt guilty that I didn't experience as much hate from black men , because even as a light skinned girl with more "black features" I found black men didn't like this
We had a guest speaker in my gender studies class- a young white female graduate student. She basically gave a lecture on how black women's bodies are portrayed in music videos and eventually concluded that black artistes like Nikki Minaj was a great body positive model for black women. She represented empowerment. I had to gently disagree with her, I told her that people like Nikki Minaj are pushing the narrative that black women are only attractive if they are light skinned, hour glass shaped, eurocentric features and long weave. I suggested she research female artists like Lauryn Hill. We need to take back our identity from eurocentric culture.
This was a much needed video. Thank you!
I don't know why white people stay talking about us. Like they know. I am glad you disagreed with her. Good job sister because we are being misunderstood and our experiences are undermined and misinterpreted from all sides.
Thanks so much! I love this comment and what it adds to this discussion. Nicki is the acceptable face of blackness to many whites because...she is light and looks similar to them in complexion (notice how big retail brands will post pictures of RiRi, Nicki and Cardi but where are my dark skinned girls) we still have a long way to go but we will get there!
Woow I feel your pain as a light skin😒 in a room full of light skin women I would feel insecure. I would feel that I wasn't unique anymore or pretty. I used to think the prettiest girl was always the lightest 😶 am glad your talking about this 😏
Do you think black women are deemed angry, bitter, etc. by (some) black men bc we have such high expectations from them bc we know what they are capable of yet they fail to deliver? As a result we as black women become simply disappointed in our black men and it comes off as being the stereotypical angry black woman?
No I think it's ridiculous for black men to even compare black women to white women this way seeing as white women are beneficiaries of white privilege shoot black women would be a lot less "angry" if we didn't have to deal with racist BS all the time. The average black woman is not living the same standard of life as the average white women so there is nothing to compare. Even with that there are plenty of black women who are carefree I think these black men are making an excuses
SincerelyOghosa I don't think white men really appreciate black women rather white men don't have the self hatred. When a white man dates a black women he probably thinks his kids will be cute and mixed. But black men have the self hate thing (as well as black women) they know they are just going to make more dark black people with kinky hair that's why they like mixed women or white women they want to be white washed.
Jordan jojo but your hair better be type 3. I see a lot of black men praising white women and mixed women for wearing natural hair AS IF there hair is the same texture as black women. Yes people who have hair that is the standard of beauty wear it out lol! Should the get a prize?? If black men really wanted to see our hair they should be uplifting the black women who are natural
Hmm no I think it's more complicated than that, look at how white men and white media talk (and have talked) online about serena williams - they call her dark, an animal and have mocked her skin and athletic frame. Black men aren't always judgmental of our afrocentric features. For the most part afro centric features and darker skin isn't as accepted by men as lighter skin and eurocentric features-regardless of colour and that's one of the facets of misogynoir. Which is why learning about misogynoir is very important for black women.
Sooo much truth in this video - I commend you for addressing this issue and being so honest to issues that a lot of us ignore or have actually become accustomed to so no longer acknowledge. Thank you 🙏🏾
yes-I think that's one of the facets of misogynoir and racism as a whole. One thing that comes to mind is the scene in Get Out in the kitchen-the female guests marvelling at his body before the auction to sell him, they're ogling his frame-we're often reduced to just bodies and that's a problem.
Yeah it’s sad. I mean if you go through some of these comments (even messages I’ve been sent privately since I put this video out) you’ll see that misogynoir is very real-the way some (not all but definitely not a few) black men treat block women is awful. Some would like me to pretend it isn’t happening but I won’t do that. Thanks for watching!!
You are so beautiful I love black men I love my skin color I never thought I would end up marrying a white guy but love really does catch you off guard and when God sends you your love it’s just right and plays it’s course 💞 My fiancé loves my culture and appreciates my beauty and we are soulmates but there are black brothers out there that want to wife and respect us don’t give up hope on our black Kings a good man is a good man black white asian Spanish I care more about the heart more than anything 🖤 I really feel bad you had to deal with some trash men giving our black men a bad name 😔
Amen. This is the most honest uplifting comment I've read. Nothing worse than seeing someone tear their own people down so that they can date white. So embarrassing to see Black people blaming other Black people for their own low self-worth.
Okay-first of all-the beginning of what you said-why am I fighting back tears! So beautiful! And secondly yes I totally agree! Everything you said-there ARE black kings out there but misogynoir is real and it affects so many black women so these conversations need to be had! Thanks for watching !
manj10011 that's not the case dear... because I'm celebate... But most men are dog shit and I think it is fair to say it is a universal thing... you could go for a race that seems like they will treat you right and they end up being a fuck boy... hense why I say univals... the only time your with a decent guy is if he has decided his ready to settle down unfortunately a woman can't make that decision for a man it has to be when his ready so a lot of the time we are just here hoping he wants to settle with you
One of the issues to being represented by "one type of black women" is that there type of black women represented isn't black 9/10 it's a mixed race person. We keep say black comes in all shades, but truthfully most black people are brown to dark/deep brown with kinky Afro hair (3c to 4c).
As long as mixed race people are used to represent black people our imagery problem will continue. I think that's one of the primary issues. This doesn't happen to any other group.
Additionally, it's more than society. Black men aren't just following WS, many equally she themselves most of the time one's mate is a reflection of themselves. I only support those who support me and my groups image. Black or not black.
Your story is so similar to a lot of black women. Luckily growing up I didn’t allow the whole “light skin” preference get to me too tough. A lot of people argue black men are the weakest link to the black community and it’s true to some extent however I don’t think I can see myself dating / marrying anyone that isn’t black
I agree with what you say kaysinger and forever young about continental africans not having the same issues as Diaspora africans, but I don't think Africa, specifically speaking Nigeria, is completely free from the knock on effects of white supremacy and colonialism either. rife skin bleaching among women is definitely a sign of an affected self esteem and self worth, colorism is definitely a thing. I don't think a Nigerian girl would maybe come out and say I feel ugly the way a Diasporan possibly would. Nigerians have a lot of pride and I think thats a beautiful thing, but the low self worth and esteem manifests in different normalised anti black behaviours and ideas on the continent I think
Ohhveraa were you born in america? reason i ask is because i think alot of self hate comes from stockholm syndrome. and willie lynch. even though some africans and carribeans and afro latinos have some form of self hate as well.
forever young I wish I could like your comment a thousand times. My parents took me back to Nigeria and I spent my formative years in Lagos. I returned to the UK in my late teens. It's the reason I don’t have the complexities that comes with growing up as covert second class citizen. I've been called arrogant and what not by a few whites but mainly blacks. People in the diaspora often get 'confidence' mixed up with 'arrogance' when you don't conform to expectations.
Thanks for watching. Yes you’re lucky that you didn’t experience that personally. But we have to remember that it happens subtly in the media, on TV, on social media every day. Look at Shea Moisture’s mess last year. It’s awful. But the solution is education and unlearning that mindset. Thanks for watching !
forever young it’s so sad that people have this mentality. I don’t blame them it’s the environment they are brought up in. No one taught them to love themselves so all they know is self hate and inflicting that on others
You're free to date whoever you like but remember that black men who don't like black women only represent a minority of us. Don't think that ALL black guys are looking for white women. I'm a 24 year old light-skinned black man, and strongly prefer dark -skinned black girls. Even though I've never dated anyone, I want my wife to be thick, curvy and EBONY BLACK! There's something about dark skin in a woman that really turns me on. I personally can't explain it, but dark -skinned black girls should know that you are BEAUTIFUL and there are plenty of us brothers waiting to be with you ASAP. God made you beautiful so be proud!!
Archangel 01 'Turn you on'? 'Curves'? Is that the extent of a dark skin Black woman's attractiveness. Her 'ebony' skin that turns you on and curves? It's ironic because if a non black male said the very same thing about dark skin women he would be accused of fetishism.
I agree with most of what you said but younger black girls ,especially, usually want a black guy that is more "road" because of black culture, which makes it hard for decent black guys that to do like black women to date a majority of them. IM NOT SAYING THAT IT IS COMMON but it is something that goes on
Awww girl loved this video. I do agree that black men to do not uplift black women enough. I also think that's its okay to have preference but that doesn't mean you should talk bad about the other race.
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